FRIENDS

Today's topic is about Friends. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to use War’s “Why Can’t We Be Friends”, Whodini’s “Friends” or one of my childhood favorites “The More We Get Together”, unfortunately Folks, I chose the latter:

The more we get together, together, together
The more we get together, the happier we'll be
‘Cause your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends
The more we get together the happier we'll be.

I guess in hindsight it really didn’t matter which song I picked; and I'm not really sure why I needed to "pick" a song at all. But I just couldn’t get “The More We Get Together” out of my head; and since misery loves company, I hoping you can’t get it out of your head either! Moving on...

Wouldn’t it be just wonderful if the words to this song were really true? But unfortunately, such is NOT the case. The more we get together the “unhappier” we be, and I think it is safe to say that YOUR friends are definitely not always MY friends. When groups gather there always seems to be some underlying issue, some unresolved problem, some elephant in the room. You’ve all been there, you’re seated for the meal at a dinner party, everyone starts off on their best behavior, then “Mary” makes a totally benign request such as “Can you please pass the salt?” and “Jane” replies “Do you think you really need the salt? You’re so bloated now you look like a Pufferfish!” Then all HECK breaks loose! So what I will attempt to do is help you to avoid such awkward situations, at least on Facebook.

Messages to Friends

I made the mistake some months back of sending a group e-mail. I normally do not send group messages, but the request was so mundane I felt I was safe, Boy was I wrong! My simple request turned into Word War III! Everyone responded to my request accordingly, but before I knew it, there was total turmoil. I honestly don’t know when it happened or exactly what happened. Because once my question was answered by all, I got out of Messaging. But when I re-entered Messaging to shoot off another message regarding a different matter; I saw that some of the participants of my previous message had an all-out cage-match going on. It was horrible, it was downright painful to watch. I blamed myself, I should have sent each message separately instead of sending the group message.

In the future when you are faced with the same choice, take a few extra minutes and send each party a separate e-mail. If you want to save a little time, Copy the first e-mail you send, then Paste the contents into all of the other messages you need to send. Exercise extreme caution when sending group messages you could be asking for trouble.

Friend Requests

I’ve read numerous articles on the proper way to handle Friend Requests on Facebook. I don’t know that I totally agree with any of the advice that I've read, so I will present my take on Friend Requests. I strongly believe that when a person sends someone a Friend Request they really should add a “Personal Message”. There is no need to write a book, but you do need to add for example, “Hi, this is Jim we met at the AdCo seminar” or “We graduated from Smith together in 1990” or “Zoo Mate!” Many of us have changed our appearance over the years, whether it be a change in weight, hair, or even our last name, we are not the same person we were several years ago. Don’t assume that someone remembers you from high school and you graduated 50 years ago!!! I graduated from high school almost 40 years ago, and I can barely remember what I wore to work yesterday, let alone someone I had American History with in 1976!

Most importantly, keep in mind that it is a request, it may or may not be accepted. If the person you sent the request does not accept your request, it’s ok, Life goes on. There is no need to draw up a Petition or launch a Facebook Block-Out against a person because they did not accept your Friend Request.

If you receive a Friend Request from someone and you are unsure as to why this person is requesting you as a friend, send them a gentle message before you just IGNORE the request. You can write “Hello, I received your friend request. I’m so sorry, please forgive me, but I cannot recall how we know each other. Can you please tell me? Thanks!” When you receive their response it should jog your memory, you can then ACCEPT their request. Or if the memories that have now surfaced are unpleasant at best, you may just decide to IGNORE the request after all.

Thinking that people will accept your request because you have a mutual friend is just delusional. Just add a Personal Message and tell them who YOU are, it doesn't matter who your mutual friend is, stand on your own merit. What if your mutual friend is a pain in the patootie and just one more inappropriate comment away from being Blocked? I was going to write at this point, The old folks used to say “Every tub must stand on its own bottom”, but it was not “the old folks” that used to say it, it was my Pastor that used to say it, and he is not old, because we are the SAME age!!! But I digress, moving on…


Friend Suggestions

When sending Friend Suggestions, it is best to send both parties a “heads-up” since Friend Suggestions, unlike Friend Request do not give you the option of adding a Personal Message. One party receives the Friend Suggestion with small text at the bottom that says “This friend was suggested by Jane Smith”.

Now, I have several problems with this process. Let's say I receive a Friend Suggestion that was made by Jane Smith for her friend Mary Jones. But “Accept” is not an option on a Friend Suggestion. The options are “Add as Friend” and “Ignore”. That is because once you decide to accept the Friend Suggestion, what you are actually doing is sending a Friend Request to the suggested person. And when you click on “Add as Friend” you are not given the option of adding a personal message, so now Mary Jones has no idea who I am or why I am sending her a Friend Request!

There are days I get over 30 Friend Suggestions and more than 100 Friend Requests, therefore the first thing I look for is the Personal Message, if there is no message, the Request is Ignored. But if I have received a message giving me a "heads-up" about a new Friend, then I will normally always Accept the Request.

To Ignore Or Not To Ignore

What do you do when you receive a Friend Request from a person that you are certain you do not want to be friends with? If you IGNORE the Friend Request, it does not send any type of notification back to them notifying them that you ignored their request. The only way they will know that the request was ignored is if they visit your Page and the button says “Add as Friend” instead of “Awaiting Friend Confirmation”. If you do not ACCEPT or IGNORE the Friend Request, then it will just sit in your Request Box. The person who sent the request cannot send you another one, but they can go to their “Edit Friends” and cancel their Request to you if they so choose. So the choice to Ignore or not to Ignore is totally up to you, it is by all means a personal matter.

The whole Friend topic is a very sensitive area. I had a “friend” tell me that while she was going through my Friend List, she noticed that I was friends with a particular individual. She proceeded to inform me that she was NOT Facebook friends with this person and she that she had ignored his request when he sent her one. She went on to tell me that just because we all went to the same church, did not mean we all had to be Facebook friends. Then she finally got to the crux of her inane conversation, she said “So why are YOU friends with him?” I courteously and eloquently responded “Cuz I wanna be!”

You will see this same statement in most everything I write; “People really need to know their station in Life”. No one has the right to question or dictate who can be friends with whom. If they needed your approval to be friends, they would have sought your consent before they requested the friendship. Suffice it to say, I am still friends with the guy, but SHE is HISTORY!